I used to skim read these kinds of posts and jump ahead because I could not see the „A-ha” myself. It takes living it sometimes to resonate with people’s stories. But now I know.
I’ll keep this short.
It was my birthday yesterday – due to all that’s happened this year I was keeping it off the radar, was not much wanting to celebrate. Life’s so big that I’m in awe trying to understand and figure out some things. I’m ever more aware of the tangled web of existence, and, sometimes, it’s stifling. The more I live, the more there is to know and I do not want to be stuck in the past or stopped by previous traumas or fears – it ends here.
And sometimes you just don’t want to celebrate before you know what your new direction is.
So I let people off the hook, dis-invited my friends and buckled up for yet another day of being a tour guide for my bro. But a nice gesture I made in April did not go unnoticed… therefore I was reminded by a dear friend that I am not allowed to give up on my important milestones…
So they got me a heart-shaped cake, and told me they loved me, and out of a day I didn’t think anyone would bother, I ended up emerging with a deep knowing that I am loved, supported, wanted.
I’m not talking about timeline posts or the Happy Birthday wishes I got in general.
It was the moment when I asked myself „why am I here still” on the 14th of June and the answer that came later that evening and that night. I stayed up until 4 am on my birthday as a friend was in need of someone by their side. I did it without hesitation. Happy I could help… Coming back to my PC that morning, some birthday wishes were in. I smiled briefly, and then I went to bed to sleep, finally.
As I woke up, and throughout the day, wishes stormed in, people kept being nice to me, they sent presents and cards, and lifted my spirit, so humbling. It was surreal to have my day taken over in the end, still be surrounded by people in the evening, to blow out the candles and make a wish.
But well, to me, this was only the icing on the cake. 🙂
I’m happy to be alive, to be of use, to touch lives and be here for the people I care about. Truly the most meaningful gift I got yesterday was to know that my contribution matters.
I’m sorry if I disappoint sometimes. I want to be a better person, and I’m trying so hard. I am so proud of how far I have come… in some ways, I’ve changed completely, for the better… I trust my journey and I love you people. 🙂
Very much looking forward to the beautiful moments to come.
inspired 