♥

I meet them everywhere. Starters but not finishers. People who are warm, up to a limit. They don’t allow their gaze to tell their story, but hide it away under the excuse of being busy.

These people would say anything to keep from saying what they truly feel. They would do anything that means they will not have to face themselves. I have been one of them, but I have changed with time.

Used to run like they do, maybe even faster and maybe I would even hide for longer. Avoid real conversation for longer, hide my weirdness, hide my smile, my innermost thoughts and feelings, trying to be correct for the world around me.

I would say and do nothing to upset those around me, and I would give my friends and family and boyfriend a million chances to get it right with me. I would refuse to give up on others, when I had started to give up on myself… anything, not to feel scared, or heavy with the baggage of my past, or vulnerable, in any way! So I would run…

In my words, in my thoughts, in my feelings, in my actions, in my reactions… I ran. Hidden among those around me though were some who got frustrated trying to get in. So I lost some people this year, and my grandmother passed away too. And I learned, that, no matter what, I would still not appeal to everybody, always, so I decided to turn inward and start my work there.

Now, even though I feel the fear and I can anticipate the judgement, I say it anyway. I do it, anyway. I’ve faced all my baggage this year and I’ve let go… I’m not that person anymore. And the most wonderful thing of all, I do not run away from myself anymore. I don’t blame those around me, myself or my parents anymore. No need to blame, resent, fear or hate.

I prefer authenticity. Because, truth is, that while a lot people won’t be able to take me in as I am, the ones who do, the ones who enjoy my spirit as I would have them, give me purpose and hope. They light me up inside, and I burn… I BURN out of PASSION, and I reach out to touch people in the same way… not expecting anything. I extend the light that I have created by being myself, unapologetically.

I’ve been healing, I’ve been changing, for the better. I still cry for my nanna, but there’s no day when I don’t smile, at least for trying to make others smile.
That’s what I want to bring into the world. I want to help uplift people’s souls. I am not just a Developer… what I have been discovering, is only the beginning.

A wonderfully passionate beginning… and I will run no more. ♥